Just stuff

I really obviously have some weird aversion to sitting down and blogging at times. I get the idea I want to do it but then that idea disappears about as soon as it comes along and I tend to end up doing nothing. Yes. nothing. Well, besides schoolwork and that sort of deal but that's understandable. School comes before blogging, comes before friends, comes before work, all that good crap. Unfortunately when you're in school you give up a lot. But on to the next "subject" or multiple subjects that I might end up coming up with. lol

I met a little boy with a cleft palate at Cold Stone, where I work, and I talked with his mother about it because I saw it as a good opportunity to show her exactly what it was like when you're a young adult with a cleft palate. I was surprised and, quite frankly, amazed when she mentioned she couldn't see that I had previously had a cleft palate. All those surgeries and all that pain paid off well and I felt very nice that I got a compliment like that. Even now I'm constantly wondering if people can tell I've had 35 surgeries to fix my cleft palate and if there is anything that they can see or whatever. I think that's just the nature of the beast, you never can get over it no matter how much older you get. But I learned that Vinnie, as I learned his name, was not much older than... 5 I think, but he looked good. The surgeons had done a great job already and I talked with her about a pharyngeal flap that both he and I had done. I can't remember what it really does but both he and I had surgery on it. The only problem for him was that the surgery site started to bleed. You don't have to be a genius to know that a bleeding surgery site that's supposed to be healing is a bad, bad thing. They took him back in and found cancer. Wow. This little boy had gotten cancer as well as a cleft palate. I hadn't even noticed the lack of hair, I thought it was just the hairstyle that they had given to him but he had been growing it back slowly and they had to wait a year after radiation and chemo to see if it would come back. Apparently this version of cancer isn't easy to get rid of and you have to wait to see if it'll stay in remission for a year before continuing with the surgeries. But he had already had some of the similar ones that I did and had a list of surgeries that were going to be the same as my own.

I don't know what it is when I see another cleft palate child but I just feel like I should talk with the parents, or just talk in general. I feel like there's some kinship with him and I since we're both going through the same thing. She shared with me some of her fears about her child growing older and about teasing and such. I told her I did get teased and apparently when I was younger I'd come home every day crying because of what the kids had said about me or to me. Kids can be harsh, they don't have the same ability to censor that adults have (some adults need to put that more into practice) and they pick up what's said at home and project on the kids in school. So, I get the brunt of that being the most different. Then I become the bully to get the attention placed on another poor student. I was never outright making the comments but I would sit with the kids that were the bullies and point out people and make jokes about them and such. Its horrible but that's how I survived. Vinnie had already been teased about his lack of hair but he was doing great aside from suffering from cancer that's in remission now. I remember talking with his mother and seeing all those fears that a mother has for her child and the desperate need to protect him, to make sure that he doesn't end up feeling like crap or having problems when he gets older. But I tried to give her a few pointers without revealing too much about what I've been through as I don't know her and I didn't feel comfortable revealing too much, but I tried to tel her as much as I could.

Unfortunately in the middle of our conversation my boss's wife rudely thrust some papers in my face, waved them about and informed me, under no uncertain circumstances, that we had cakes to build. Apparently my coworkers with me that day are dunderheads and can't build cakes and I'm the only one. That kinda irritated me but I apologized to the woman I was talking to and told her that I wished her well and she said she would be coming back, yadda yadda. My coworker told me that she would have been politely asking me but my boss's wife rolled on up there with fire in her eyes that I was, gasp, talking when there was no one there! Apparently she thought this woman and I were friends, we aren't, I just randomly met her. Then I go to apologize to her, telling her that I'm sorry if my speaking with that woman made her angry but since her child had a cleft palate and we weren't busy that I felt inclined to talking with her and she tried to cut me off several times but once I said my piece she told me she wasn't angry. Excuse me but I'm allergic to bullshit, let me go have my sneezing fit now. But that was beside the point and I just left her be to stew in her own anger and went about my business. To put it plainly, I don't take kindly to rudeness, even if it is my own boss, and when I step up to be the bigger person here, don't be stupid, accept it and move on. You look juvenile if you don't accept it.

Anyhow, lately I've been slammed with school, Karate, work, just anything you can think. I have almost no time to myself and what little time I do have to myself I tend to be allocating it to doing schoolwork or spending time with my family. Which isn't bad, mind, but I just wish I could have a bit more time.

I have such a long to do list now. I think I'm just going to try and find a good way to vanish and maybe live life in a vacation setting for the rest of said life. :) That sounds like a plan to me! Oh man, I think the worst part of being a female right now is having a crush on a guy and knowing that you will never tell them or ask them out because you're terribly old fashioned and refuse to go tell him or ask him out. I was talking to a friend who asked me what I would do if he was the type who needed the girl to ask him out and I told her that if that was the case then I wouldn't ever have my crush move on from just that, a crush. She then said you should live a little and I said I'm living I just happen to be living inside of my own values and standards and that's one of them that I won't be breaking for anyone. Yes, even for my "soul mate".

I still have to do an online consultation for this doctor in Texas and getting everything figured out where that's concerned. That'll be fun... Okay, so to-do-list:
- Online Consultation (must)
- More blogging!
- Freeing up some time for myself
- Trying to meet more cleft lip/palate survivors/parents
- Make a website (god I hate HTML/CSS -.-)
- Get better, being sick sucks
- Become more proficient in Karate

Hopefully I can actually start doing more blog posts in the future. I think part of my problem is that I've made this into more of talk only around me and my cleft palate and haven't actually decided to go into my daily life which I'll start doing. This post was part of that. I'll be getting more and more into my day to day life as I continue to blog and I'll hopefully end up with more posts.

Oh but I must go off to get ready to go to work. Yipee.